My balls are so social today.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
