Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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