Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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