Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
