When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
