May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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