Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
