The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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