Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
