What a fucking waste of an outfit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
