at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
