I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
