some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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