My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
