there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
