when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
