I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
