I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
