I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
