doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
