Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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