omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
