Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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