You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
