my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
