There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So gin and wine won't be happening again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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