So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
