I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
