and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
