He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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