Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize