My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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