Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is wine microwaveable?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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