So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
third nipple confirmed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
