all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
