How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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