I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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