I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
