I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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