just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
