The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
