my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
