My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
