You're a womanizer and a bitch.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
