So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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