You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize