I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
