wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
