So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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