the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
