haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
