shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize