One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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