My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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