Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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