ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
