My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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