Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
