Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
