who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize