My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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