you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
