I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
