So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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