The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
