Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
