Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
