if i can run in heels then i can drive
Screwed.edu
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
