I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sarcasm needs its own font
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
