In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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