Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
